Still human?
by becomingme
Summary: Kind of what if? Story takes place during 'The Devil's Share' Shaw/Finch Some characters just mentioned. It's my first fanfic ever, so criticism will be good ;)
1. Chapter 1

He checked his watch for the hundredth time that night. He couldn't sleep as he kept vigil over John. The sun was rising, filling the room with light. It was about nine. He needed to go. He really should be leaving, but sadness and drede had him paralyzed. Sad memories of Nathan's funeral and what he imagined his own father's funeral was like preyed upon his mind.

However, his respect for Jocelyn, her courage and sacrifice demanded he attend. Once at the cememtary, he stood far away to avoid the grief stained faces of Carter's son and his father. He didn't want to see sadness in their eyes, his heart was aching even without the reminder of all who suffered with him.

Shaw was standing next to him; quietly, without moving, without any tears. He glanced at her. He wondered how she could be like that, how she could always be cold, without any emotions on her face. He envied her ice. Her face was a blank, indifferent mask. He tried to hide his own sadness just like her, but it was pointless. His guilt, remorse, and grief just spilled over, overfilling his soul, washing away everything else until nothing remained but pain.

Why didn't he predict this? Why couldn't The Machine have given them Carter's number earlier? They could have avoided this, another lost number, another lost chance. Why?! What did he do wrong? He found John, they built a team; A Machine Team. So, why? Why he didn't listen to Root!? And why didn't he do anything when Simmons shows up? That thought still haunted him. In moments like this, he wanted to be like the woman next to him- cold as ice.

When they were lowering Carter's coffin under the ground, he turned to Shaw, tears in his eyes with the pain he wanted dsperately to hide. He didn't want to show Shaw his weakness, another one of his weaknesses.

She placed a hand on his shoulder.

_**"C'mon Finch, we have to go back to John, see if he woke up, and we need to find Simmons."**_

He just nodded.

Shaw took his arm and guided him toward the car. They walked a few meters when Finch stopped and turned to one of the graves. Shaw read the inscription in her mind: _Nathan Ingram._ She didn't ask who it was. She felt that Finch knew the man who lying there.

They stood quietly, reverently. It was cold and rainy outside, but they didn't care. She heard Harold sobbing. She turned to him with eyes wide open, maybe she'd known Finch less than John, but she knew perfectly well that this was the first time Harold Finch was so emotional. The same Harold Finch who she thought was washed clean from emotions or just had no heart. The man who was always perfect and always calculating something in his mind.

When she stared at him she felt something strange, she didn't feel anything like this before, even when her father died or Cole. She didn't have this feeling then. This something made her heart warm, it caused tears to come to her eyes. She wanted to go quickly, run away, forget about that feeling, forget about everything.

**_"Harold...,"_** Her voice broke,_** "Can we just go now? We need to check if John is okay. We have to go, really."**_

Again, this day she took his arm and pulled him, but he didn't respond.  
**_"Finch are you okay!?" _**Still no reaction, all sadness flew from her**_ "Finch!"_**

He throw her hand away and turned to her. When she saw his face her eyes widened further. His eyes were red from tears, when she meet him for the first time she would have bet that she would never see him cry, especially not like this.

_**"No! I'm not okay!"**_ He took off his glasses and wiped his tears. He raised his hands quickly then dropped them at his side, head lowered.  
**_"All this numbers, they are haunting me! Every time I close my eyes, I can see all the lost lives, all lost chances. You don't know what it is to be responsible, to feel that if someone will lives or dies depends only on you, only on how quick you react."_**

**_"How can you say that?!"_**She accused.  
**"You think only you have that responsibility? That only you know how that feels? I saw the deaths of many people..." **

Harold cut her off with a raised voice,  
**_"Stop interrupting me! You have no idea how many people died because of me. I'm not talking about now, but before I met John, Det. Carter, you and . I have the feeling that I killed those people because I didn't do anything. I did nothing to save them! I wanted to hide them – their numbers, I called them Irrelevants like they were things not human being, THEY DIED BECAUSE OF ME! And you will never understand that."_**

He took a deep breath and pointed at the grave before them.  
**_"He was my best friend and I disapointed him. He died in front of my eyes. I could have avoided all that if only I would have listened to him. Nathan was a good man, a man of honour. He didn't deserve to die and I didn't deserve to be his friend. He tried to made this world better and I was better because of him. If I had not built The Machine he wouldn't be there, Joss too, they all would be alive... I..."_**

She took his hand and pulled him to herself, his head resting on her shoulder. She could feel how hard he was shaking. He opened before her, he told her everything. What was in his heart for God only knows how long.

He felt stupid. Why had he told her that? He told her his secrets, why? He couldn't stop crying tough. Couldn't calm down, still shaking and sobbing he put his hands around her waist and pulled her closer to himself. That was the only thing he needed now, to have someones close. He grabbed her coat into his hands like he didn't want to let her go, to lose that hug and this feeling.  
They stood like that for nearly a quarter of an hour. In Harold's mind a battle between what has happend and what was happening right now ragd. He was thinking, why didn't she push him away? Instead, she put her arms around him. People were passing them, giving them some strange looks. They could describe Harold and Shaw as two lovers who already lost someone close, not as master and his pawn.

When Finch felt that his heart was slowing down,he calmed down a ittle, he pushed her slowly, wiped his eyes again. Then put back his glasses. Shaw started to look for something in her pockets, he knew what she is looking for.

_**" Here."**_ He give her a tissue. _**" I'm sorry. I don't know why..."**_

_**"Shh..."**_ She put two finger to his mouth.  
_**"It's okay. Everyone can have a bad day. Come on, I'll take you away from here before you start crying like a baby again."**_

She took his hand and they walked quietly to his car

She held out her hand. **_" Keys?"_**

_**"Hmm?"**_ He answere distractedly.

She waved her hand. _**"Keys. I will not let you drive. I don't think you're bad driver, but look at yourself. You're still shaking and I don't want to come back here in wooden box"**_

_**"Oh, Miss Shaw !I don't think such things."**_

_**"Please,Finch? Give me the keys, I know how to drive limos."**_

He gave her keys, As they were driving the quiet atmosphere was similar to the one from cementary: somber and silent.


	2. Chapter 2

Harold watched all the buildings as they passed. He can still feel her warm, small, but muscular body against his. He wanted to forget that feeling, to forget her smell, but on the other hand he wanted to feel it again. He wanted to touch her from the first time they met. He glanced at her hand which rested on the gearshift shaft. How can a hand like that operate so many guns, from where came this power and strength in that such small, delicate hands? He turned his head to her and looked at her face which was highlighted only by the passing cars. She was as if made from stone._ Old Shaw is back,_ he thought.

**_"What?"_** She asked and turned to him. There weren't any tears in his eyes, but she knew that something still bothered him, he was still sad.

**_"Nothing,"_** Harold shook his head slightly.  
**_"I just wanted to ask if you, I invite you once for a tea but today maybe we could go for something stronger than just tea? I know a good restaurant near there here."_**

She shrugged.  
**_"Do they have something other than expensive wine, some strange-named meals or tea which will cost all my paycheck?"_**  
She looked down at herself  
**_"I don't know if I'm well dressed enough for your restaurant choices. Let me get you somewhere where no one is watching or listening to what are we are discussing."_**

Without waiting for his agreement she turned left and stopped after 200 meters. They got out.

Finch turned around confused, looking for the place Shaw was talking about.  
"**_Miss Shaw I don't dispute your knowledge of the streets, but where are we? Where is this place? I don't see any banners which can guide us to whatever you are going."_**

She smirked,_** "I told you Finch. It's a place where no one will be interested in what we are doing, so it has to be hidden well."**_ She smiled to him and for the third time this day she took his hand.

He didn't react to that, didn't take his hand back. Harold really liked that feeling of soft but strong hand in his, he could hold it like that forever.

She knocked on a steel door in some kind of 'code' but he couldn't figure out what 'code' it was, but it decisively wasn't the Morse alphabet. They wait a while then in the front door appeared guy bigger than Reese.  
_**"Oh Shaw!"**_ He hugged her and that caused their hands to part but only for a moment because when 'big guy' left Shaw she quickly found Finch's hand to give him support. She tried to made him feel more comfortable in the darkness which surrounded them.  
**_"You haven't been here for years Sam and who's this vocabulary man?"  
_**Finch heard that about himself not for the first time. It was one of many aliases which Fusco give him, and that one truly wasn't his favorite.

_**"He is my... "**_ Shaw looked at Finch then at their joined hands._**"He's my drinking comrade for today."**_  
She released Harold's hand quickly after those words.

Harold didn't like what she said, he liked her hand close. _Did she just change her mind?_ Maybe he should go back and let her stay in her own world and other drinking comrades.

_**"Oookay, you can go inside but Shaw, there is still the same old rule... No professors, no ties."**_

_**"I forget about that!"**_ She turned back to Finch, came closer to him and started to loosening his dark tie.  
**_"We need to throw it , Finch."_**

She stood so close that he could feel her breath around his neck. He shook when she started to touch the knot of his tie and loosen it. He almost moaned when she pull it slowly so that he could feel all its length moving behind his neck. He closed his eyes quickly when she was unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt.

_**"Calm down tiger."**_ The big guy shouted to Finch when he noticed his reaction to Shaw's touch.

She was acting like she didn't hear that, and took Finch's hand in hers again. Then threw his tie in a rubbish bin. He opened his eyes wide.  
_**"Miss Shaw! That was Lugi Borrelli! New Fall/Winter collection!"**_

_**"Oh c'mon Harry, you can buy another one. And taking in the fact that I already threw out your tie you should forget about all your employer-to-employee rules and call me Sam or Sameen if that would be better for you."**_

_**"Miss Shaw I..."**_ he didn't finish as she pulled him behind steel doors. They went down through round steps. The place was dark, only small lights on tables gave some light to see where to go, to avoid breaking leg or just falling down.  
There were lights on something else...

Harold stopped suddenly and pulled her back to him.  
_**"What is this place?"**_

Walls were made from bricks, there were many shelves with many books, some really old, some new and some really rare, like first editions or something like that. He couldn't believe his looked like someone turned his library into a nightclub. Music was playing somewhere from speakers but not too loud, but enough to cover or mute conversations.

_**"What's wrong Harry? Aren't you impressed? Come, my table is here, free as always."**_ She pointed at a small round table in the corner with only two chairs.

_**"My name is Harold, not Harry. Harry reminds me of Miss Groves and she is one of those people of which I don't know what to think at all."**_

_**"Okay, okay."**_ She pushed him to the table. _**"What do you want? Beer – porter, pilsner? or maybe two at once. They have wine too but don't think it would be your favorite so I recommend beer."**_

_**"No,"**_he took one chair and pointed her to sit but first he took her coat, and hung it with his. _**"I will bring you what you want not you to me even if this place is your choice. So what do you want Sameen?"**_

_**"One, pilsner: for now"**_ she smiled to him

Waiting for their beers, he looked at all books around them. So many titles in one place, the view amazed him. He turned back to see what she was doing. She was sitting the same way as he left her but she was looking at him really carefully. She wasn't looking at his face. He tracked the line of her eye. He raised his eyebrows when he noticed that she was admiring his ass, and for now she was looking at his abdomen and groin. He blushed and turned back to bar, beers were waiting for him. He already he paid for them and went back to table. She wasn't looking at his side, now she was looking at other shelves with books.

_**"So from 1-10?"**_ he asked, giving her beer and taking a sit.

_**"What? What are you talking about?"**_

_**"When I was standing in front of the bar you were examining some parts of my body, or was that only my imagination? Maybe it was because of the lights?"**_

She took a sip of the beer.  
_**"Yeah I was but I can't judge it before a proper check."**_ Her leg touched his and slowly started to go up and down his calf.

He almost spat out his beer. _**"I beg you pardon?"**_

_**"Just kidding Finch"**_ she stopped massaging his leg. **_"I don't even know if you are my type."_**she smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

He swallowed slowly _'don't know if you are even my type'_, those words struck him really hard. The feelings from the cemetery came back, but this time he didn't want to cry. He wanted to hug her and hold her close to him again. He looked at her over his glasses. _Why would she say something like that? If he is not her type why would she bring him here? Only to grab a beer with someone? Only to do what_?

He started questioning himself again. Her eyes, cold as always., her lips separated a little when he looked at had to look back down at his glass of beer again because of his desire to kiss her. What is happening with him? He was always so calm for many years. He doesn't usually feel anything, not for woman, not like this. He took another sip of beer.

**_"So do you enjoy that place? It's nothing you would expect for me right?"_** she asked.

She was looking at him and regretted what she said minutes ago. Instead, she should have said how much she adored him, and how her body reacted when he was somewhere near.

_**"Yes, you are right. I wouldn't expect that. It's only for old members with a gold pass I suppose."**_He smiled and she smiles back.

His voice was the second thing that made her crazy about this man. Every time he spoke to her, even to the earpiece, she was in seventh heaven and sometimes couldn't focus on a mission because of that voice.

They talked about everything and nothing at once. Finch was surprised what alcohol could do for people. Of course, he knew that fact before but never experienced this feeling. When you end up with a fourth glass of the golden drink and you have a feeling to tell everything to the person sitting next to you, to tell the truth...

His glasses weren't on his nose anymore. They were lying somewhere on the table. He tried to focus on some point, to calm his mind. He shuddered when he noticed that point was Shaw's breasts, her neckline. He shook his head and looked a little above to her face. She was grinning, he knows that she is focused much more than him, maybe it's not her first time sitting here and drinking.

He is drunk that was for sure. he, always sober Harold Finch, was drunk because of the woman sitting opposite him. A woman who has pissed him off and turned on at the same time. A woman which they saved.

She took the last sip of her beer. _**"So, another one? Last one? As a toast for The Machine?"**_

He looked down at his empty mug. _**"I don't know if I... It's hard to say but I'm drunk. I'm am positive I can't drink another. I think I have to go to the bathroom."**_ He looked around to find a bathroom door.

_**"It's that way Finch."**_ Shaw smiled. _**"Then left and remember it's only one bathroom for all. So be careful and knock before you storm the door."**_

He give her one of his Finch looks._**"The Fact that I'm drunk doesn't mean that I would forget about rules and manners."**_

When he came back, he stopped short, even without glasses, and with buzzing percents in his body he clearly could see what was going on.

He looked at speaker. The music was louder than when he left. He had heard this song somewhere once or twice. The words _'your sex is on fire'_ from chorus gave him a shiver. He looked back to the side of table where he had been sitting earlier; eight empty glasses stood exactly as he remembered. Only one thing was missing from their table was Samantha.

She wasn't sitting anymore, she was dancing on the table to that song. His glasses were on her nose, another glass of beer in her hand. Her shirt had been thrown somewhere on the ground only her black top left. Her breasts were bouncing to the rhythm of the song from speakers.

Around the table were a few men who were admiring that view the same way he had earlier. He came closer to push them all out from the table. When he was walking to the table she started pulling up her top. He hesitated for a second then storm the table, zig-zagging his way to her side. He pushed the others with rest of his power and bellowed. _**"Show's over!"**_

One of the men said, _**"Hey calm down daddy!"**_ He got closer to Finch. He was taller and decisively much stronger than Harold.

Finch swallowed hard prepared for the worst. Then he felt hands on his arms. Someone pulled him to the table. When he reached the table with his back he looked up, it was Shaw who pulled at him.

_**"He is not my daddy fellows,"**_ She winked to the others. _**"And he is right. The show is over."**_

To Harold she whispers,_**"You can see the rest of the show when we're alone, if you want."**_

He looked at she with wide eyes. He felt like he had sobered up in seconds. He didn't answer her. He didn't have to because his hardening groin did the talking for him.

She of course noticed, but said nothing. She just smiled, got down from table, and gave him his glasses. He retrieved her shirt from the ground, and brought her coat.

_**"I think that's enough for today, Miss Shaw. We should go back. My mind is wasted and my body too. I will call taxi."**_

_**"Okay daddy."**_ She smiled.

He gave her serious look.

She laughed. _**"Kidding, Finch! Let's go home."**_

They went outside, it was cold and dark. He looked around than glanced at his watch 1 AM.  
_**"We were there for so long! I even didn't notice the time passing.."**_

_**"What a waste of time right Finch? You could do so many 'right' things instead of wasting time with me and drinking beer. Which I suppose is not your favourite."**_ she said provoking.

She glanced at his unbuttoned shirt and V-neck T-shirt, noticing small amounts of his dark-gray chest hairs. She wanted to touch it and kiss it but she wasn't able to because he took her hand and guided them to the taxi.

_**"I didn't say I regretted the time spent with you. I said only that it's late and we really should go back. I really enjoyed your company today, Miss Shaw."**_

She stopped suddenly.

He turned to her. _**"What's now?"**_

_**"Stop calling me Miss Shaw, Finch. Please, I liked it when you called me by my first name. Break some rules, maybe just only for the rest of this night? Please?"**_

He nodded, _**"But only for today"**__ h_e smiled.

She came closer to him and kiss his cheek.

He wasn't prepare for this. Her lips were so soft, so warm on his cold face. Something inside him twitched.

_**"Miss Sh... Samantha it was.."**_

_**"Taxi is waiting Finch, come on."**_


	4. Chapter 4

He opened the door to cab for her.

She went in slowly, making sure he would be admiring her body when she got in, but his face revealed no emotions.

He gave a piece of paper with address to the driver. They travelled quietly again, their hands close on the seat but separated. He wanted to check what she would do if he sat closer, he moved his hand closer to hers, their small fingers in contact. She looked at him, and he knew that she was tired her look was dizzying. He gave her a small smile and she rested her head on his shoulder.

His smell was amazing, some elegant notes, some spicy .It was really suit to a gentleman like him; sandalwood, cedar, lavender maybe coffee and pepper.

He opened his eyes wide when he felt her head on him. The driver looked in back mirror but quickly looked away. His eyes returned to the road because of Finch's angry look at him.

When they arrived, Shaw was sleeping at his shoulder. He didn't want to wake her up. So, first, he gave payment for the cab with 'keep the change' of course. He gently got out from the cab and with the rest of his strength he took her into his arms. She was really light he didn't fell more pain in his back. He went to the building, 'good there is an elevator' - he thought. He went inside and pushed some buttons. The elevator took them to the highest apartment.

Shaw woke up when they were before the doors.  
"_Finch, where are we? And why are you carrying me!?_" She looked at him.  
"_You should wake me up instead of carrying me and tell me where the hell are we? It's not my place._" She pushed him to let her go.

"_Sameen, we are in a safe place. I just wanted to bring you here to be sure you will be safe and leave you there.I would have called you in the morning when you would be sober._"

"_I'm sober_!" She protested.

He looked her in disbelief. "_So why are you sleeping on my shoulder?_"

"_It has nothing to do with, whether I'm sober or not. I told you, I'm sober and that means I'm sober!_"

He placated her. "_Okay, Sam can we just go inside?_" He put the key in its hole and opened door for her then said, "_Please, we can complete that strange conversation inside._"

"_I want to go to my place, I have there all the necessary things_." She turned back and started to walk away.

"_There are necessary things too Miss Shaw._" He grabbed her arm and she gave him one of those looks which he really doesn't like.

"_Sameen, I mean Sam..._"

When I say necessary things Finch, I mean for a woman. Don't forget that every woman needs some privacy at the end of the day and some things to feel better or a warm bath after end of a hard day."

He looked at her confused  
"_I know that, there is everything you need here, I promise. Just please come inside_."

She looked at him again but this time she went inside.  
_"Harold this place is huge!_" She looked around like a small kid at Disneyland.

"_Straight through is the bathroom next to it is the main bedroom. Here you have the living room. The kitchen is upstairs and as you can see outside is a small pool for your disposition. Comfort yourself, as I said everything you need is there. I will call you in the morning, here are the keys."_ He put a set of keys in her hand slowly and tried to contact her hand again.

"_And where are you going? If I remember well you drank only one beer less than me. So you should stay here too. I believe this sofa is enough for a comfortable night's sleep._"  
She came closer to him to feel his breath on her face. She knew that he was close, she turned him on in a moment when she took off his tie, so now it should be easier to capture his emotions again.

He gulped nervously and stammered, "_I don't think I should. I need to check John, if he is okay_."

Shaw smirked knowingly, "_We all know that Fusco is with him now Finch. He is in good hands and you have to rest for a while too. Look at yourself. You look really tired, and you reek of alcohol. So please stay._"  
She started to take off his coat then his jacket.

He stood there frozen, without any words. He didn't even move, didn't know what to do. Every touch of her hand gave him a small spike of pleasure. He forgot how it was to touch and be touched in return.

She hung up her coat next to his.

He looked at his watch it was few minutes after 2AM.  
"_It's really late. I will be sleeping on the sofa, and Sam lied to you a little. There aren't any women's clothes so you can take one of my shirt as a nightdress if you don't mind. They are clean and some of them haven't been worn._"

She looked at him, "Something else you want to say me?"

"_No that's all. Towels are in the bathroom, and there are some things to make your bath more pleasant too_"

"_Nice._" She sat on the sofa. "_I know it's late but I don't want to go to sleep just yet. This day was really hard. I felt great when we were in that club, but now... Finch, this place is depressing. I'm not saying it's ugly or anything it's just huge and empty..._"

Harold ignored her."_Do you want tea? I know I said I will never ask you to tea again but it's good for sleep so.._."

She sighed."_Okay then._"

He came back after a few minutes. She was sitting the same way as when he left her, but without a shirt, only black tank top –again he wondered if she knew how that influenced him.. He put her tea on the table.

"_Please_." He sat next to her

_"Thank you. You know it's funny. I never thought that you could be so normal before. At the beginning, I even didn't like you. You were like a rich, selfish child to me. Who only cared about his own business. Who would think that I would be sitting with you and drinking tea?_" She turned to him and smiled.

He was sitting straight, tea in one hand the other hand at his knee. He was looking straight into her eyes and when she smiled, he smiled back.

For a second, she wondered how many secrets this guy was still hiding and how many wounds he had and of course how they look liked. She could even compare those wounds to her own only if he would shows her his..

"_Sameen I..._" he put his tea next to her."_I'm really sorry for what happened at the cemetery. I didn't want to argue, not with you. I should have stayed calm. That situation shouldn't have taken place._"  
He wondered why he was telling her these things again, He knew that he was still drunk. Maybe her beauty had such a big influence on him. He hadn't been so close to a woman for years. She'd kissed him before they got to the taxi, she'd slept on his feelings were amazing. He couldn't resist, but he had to try. He wanted to do this so many times. Now he had a possibility to do just that. He leaned over her, one hand on the sofa to maintain a balance the other on her cheek. He started to kiss her slowly, his eyes were closed, but he wanted to see if she felt the same to him so he opened his eyes. Her eyes were still closed.

She answered his kiss by placing one hand on his neck close to his hairline. Her other hand she put on his thigh.  
When their tongues joined, Harold shrugged and pushed her slowly away. He tried to takes his breath. "_Again this day I have to say I'm sorry. I don't know why..._" He didn't finish as her lips were again merged with his.

She gently pushed his back against the sofa, and straddled him. She heard his moan when she slowly started to unbuttoning his vest.  
He wasn't sure what to do in the beginning, but when she took off his vest and begin to unbutton his shirt, he puts his hands on her ass. It was so soft even if she was wearing tight jeans, he could feel how soft and round her rear was. He couldn't resist and squeezed them a little. Sweaty moans left from her mouth and she rose slightly. She tasted so sweet, but he couldn't find the perfect description in his mind yet.

When she was in the middle of his shirt, she broke this long kiss. He wanted her lips back on his so he leaned to her. She put her finger on his mouth and he kissed it. One of his hands went up to her back and gently moved up and down her spine. One moment later the same hand was under her tank top but still at the back area.

She started to kiss his cheek, then jawline, going down to the neck with gentle bites on it. So gentle to not leave any marks. She knew he would not forgive her for that.

He leaned his head back and groaned at every bite.

She touched his Adam's apple and kissed it.  
He helped her with his shirt and t-shirt.

She admired the view of his chest hair for a while and quickly after that started to kiss his chest. Her hands were massaging his abdomen and her fingers were stroking that sexy hairy path which disappeared somewhere in his pants. She come back to kissing his lips, his hands were still at her back and ass. When he squeezed her butt again she moaned and rose slowly. When she was sitting back on his thighs, she felt something hard under her. She knew that he left his phone in his jacket, his wallet was in his jacket, and it decisively wasn't a gun.

He broke the kiss.  
_"Sam, we can't"_  
_"What?!"_  
_"We can't do this. This is highly inappropriate_"

She pushed him back, but still sat on his thighs.

He put his hands back to his side.

"_Finch you are trying to say that what? You are trying to hide your emotions? But you can not hide from your body._" She looked down and back at him.  
"_Or maybe you are just scared because you haven't done this for so long? Because if you tell me that this is what happens and you can't control your body, I will not believe you_"

His head was down, he didn't want to look into her eyes. He knew that when he tried to lie to her like that he would lose everything but he felt that if this went too far it would be highly unprofessional.  
"_Yes that is what I want to say_"

She rose to his face.  
"_So we are back strangers? And you want me to forget this day? You are really a strange man Harold. I think if you want to be like that, pretending, you will be always losing Numbers. You can't hide everything and you finally have to learn how to pay the consequences._"  
She got up from his lap, went to bathroom and slammed the door.

He was confused. She just left him with words sharps as swords. He looked down at himself nothing left, she just turned him off. He didn't know if he should regret that he started this situation or he was sorry for that he stopped it. He sat without moving and looked at the two cups with tea. Why did he behave like that? She was right he can't pay the consequences. He took his shirt from the floor and put it on but didn't buttoned it back. He took off his shoes and socks to moves quietly. He went to the bathroom door and leaned against the doorframe. Hand on which he leaned in pocket other rested on the frame.  
"_Sam I'm sorry... I don't know why I have done this. I didn't intend to, Sam?"_

_"Go away, go to your library where you feel better, alone with all your monitors. I don't want to talk with you, not anymore."_

_"Sam please..._" He heard the water running into bathtub.

"_I didn't stop it! You want something, but when it comes to you, you just don't know if you really want it. you don't know if it is just not as perfect as you think it is. You are hiding . Even during missions you only guide us with your voice, you are looking at us only with cameras, you are irresponsible. You can't hide, you can't run all the time! You can't just go away when you are starting something you SHOULD end it! Like a man, or maybe you are not a human huh? You are just an egoistic, eccentric billionaire who thinks that he can do everything he wants without any consequences. Now I am done and you have to go. Run, run to your library! Hide! You will never be human, you changed into your machine! Maybe that moment when you broke today was only an act in front of me. Because you were afraid of being alone. Or Simmons, because he saw your face. You just needed protection for today right? And a little pleasure. Someone who will get your dick hard! Admit it! You are a selfish fool, Finch!_"

_"Enough!_," He stopped leaning against frame, his hands shaking from nerves, how can she judge him like that?


	5. Chapter 5

"**Please open the...**"He pressed lightly on the handle; the doors weren't locked. He slowly made his way inside and closed the door quietly behind him, before she could throw him out.

She was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, facing the door. Her trousers were on the floor; she sat only in her panties, tank top, and a bra under it.

He swallowed hard when he saw her like that, her beautiful legs crossed a little. Even from that distance he could feel how soft was her skin. Her hand was making waves in the water, which almost filled the bathtub entirely.

"**I said you have to get out, not come in. Or am I the one who should go? But if I go, you will never see me again – not even your Machine will be able to help you. You decide.**"

"**No, please stay. I didn't want to scream… I mean, talk… through the closed door.**" He sat down next to her on the edge of the tub. He noticed that, beside the tattoos on her arms, she has one on her knuckle and another one on her abdomen, but he could only see a part of it because of her tank top and panties.

"**Did it hurt?**" He pointed at the tattoos.

"**Oh please, you came in here to talk about my tattoos? Don't be ridiculous!**" She laughed angrily.

"**No, I want to talk about what you said about me**" The corner of his shirt touched the water and was becoming wet, but he didn't care about that now. He wanted to clear up what he did.

"**You are right. I'm a selfish, eccentric billionaire; I've wanted to change so many times, to be more human as you said, but I was too scared, afraid of the consequences of what will happen if I change. Today when we were on the sofa making, " **Harold looked down **"those things...**"

"**Making out. Call it what it is, Finch – that will be a good start for your transformation into a human being.**"

"**Yes,right... when we were making out, I was afraid again. When you took off my shirt, shivers went down my spine. I was afraid that if we go further, you will see my weaknesses, I mean my scars, and that will destroy everything. It wasn't like I threw you out, I threw myself out. I didn't want to disappoint you because of my rather little experience in suchmatters, I was afraid of what would happen next. Yes, I wasn't sure if I want to pay the price in case we cross the line. I just want you to know who I am, first. Because, Sameen, I don't think I'm a good man. I can give you everything but I ade many mistakes and did bad things in my life. I don't want to make another. I don't mean I don't like you or that you are not my type, none of those things. I just...**"He wasn't able to finish because of her lips on his.

"**Finch...**" She broke the kiss. "**Please just let things evolve, without any calculations.**"

He only nodded and quickly returned to kissing her. His hand rested on the other edge of the bathtub to avoid fall in. He felt one of her hands on his neck stroking his hair and it was a really nice feeling, her other hand rested on his back. When her hand went under his shirt, he trembled because now he was afraid that she will examine his scars. He didn't want to overreact so he deepened the kiss and parted her lips with his tongue. In this position, his back was in pain. His hand which supported their weight started to shake so he flexed it a little, that almost caused them to fall into the water. Good thing Shaw was close. He opened his eyes to see where the hand which was on his neck few seconds earlier went, it was now close to his cheek.

She took off his glasses slowly and put them on the corner of the bathtub, leaving his vision blurred.

He did something like laugh during their kiss, and glanced down at his pants and his shirt, almost half of it soaked. Who cares, he thought, and without breaking the kiss, he leaned towards the water, pulling Shaw with him. He knew that fall like this will hurt but he also knew that he couldn't stay in that position any longer. '_You only live once Harold, and this is something you have never done before, so go for it!',_ he thought and slipped into the bathtub. The water cushioned his fall but only a bit.

She fell in with him and land on top of him.

They landed under water, and he hissed from the pain, breaking up their kiss.

"**Are you insane? What are you doing, Finch!? You okay?**" She got up quickly on her hands and pulled him to the surface.

He spat out water.

"**I thought it will be more comfortable than sitting on the edge**."

He felt her thighs around his, and sat with his legs slightly bent. He reached her lips and began to kiss her again before she could start yell at him.  
Light foam surrounded them, some got on his shirt and some on her.  
He slid his hands under her top and began slowly taking off the wet black thing. Then he helped her to take off his shirt. He felt her hands on his back again, and a few seconds later, on his abdomen stroking his hair-path. He shivered when she reached his belt.  
He moaned and broke their kiss to admire the view of her almost nude body. He didn't notice when his belt fell onto the wet floor, next to her trousers. Harold started to kiss her neck, while she was working on his fly. He looked for the clasp of her bra – his hands were shaking, everything was wet and unclipping that thing was even harder than he expected, but he didn't give up. He stopped kissing her neck and lowered his head when she rose to pull down his trousers.

"**I almost had it!**" He looked at her, eyes narrowed.

"**Your pants are ruined, Finch..**." She took them out from the water and threw them onto the floor.

"**I don't care.**" He started the hopeless fight with her bra again.

"**Should I help you?**" She asked, putting her arms around his neck again, started to kiss his neck and lick drops of water from it.

"**No, thank you – I can handle it**."A few seconds later, he finally won. He looked at her breasts and froze, only moaned sometimes when she licked or bit his neck. He couldn't take off his eyes of them.

"**Sameen, they are... wow they are beautiful!**"

"**You behave like a boy peeping in on his neighbour and seeing a woman's breasts for the first time.**"

"**I've seen them before but never as beautiful as yours.**" He put his hands on her breasts and squeezed gently, then leaned closer and licked the water around one nipple, then the other one. He could hear her quiet moans, his hands on her bum, thumbs hooked onto her pants. He slide them down a little, then put his hands under them and felt even much more soft skin in that area. He felt her one hand on his organ and swallowed hard when she started moving her hand up and down. Her other hand was on his bum, under his boxers. He lifted her up a little; that gave him another pain in his back and he hissed again.

She rose to take some weight and help him so he quickly took off her panties and threw them onto the floor.

He massaged her ass, kiss her breasts, and sometimes moved his hand up to trace her spine. Now he could see her tattoo entirely. It was somekind of flower, which wasn't his type, but tattoos choices are not thing to discuss. Harold put his index finger on it and started to trace it. He felt how her tummy muscles moved and stretched because of his touch. He shuddered when she pulled down his boxer-briefs and the feeling of his freed organ made him sick. He swallowed and stopped touching and kissing her.

"**What's wrong?**"She looked down at him."**You are really afraid of nudity, Finch?**"

"**Yes, a bit.**"

"**But hmm,**" She looked down."**I examined you at the bar and I read somewhere that your height men with a big Adam's apple can be well-endowed, but I didn't suppose that it can be as good as yours. I know it's under water and that can enlarge it but...**"  
He gave her a strange look and narrowed his eyes, then went back to kissing her breasts. His hands were on her bum again, he really liked that area. He gulped when she rose, and his heart started to pound because he knew what will happen next.

"**You okay?**"

He only nodded. It was an amazing feeling when his organ began to sink inside her. It was slowly movement but fast enough to make him gasp. He felt her warmth around his cock, that tension when he was going deeper. His hands still on her ass, hers were on his back, her nails digging harder as he thrust deeper in her. He leaned his head closer to her breasts, and heard her moan.

"**Deeper...**" she whispered.

Instead of going deeper, he lifted her up and slowly seat her back down on him. He knew that he will end up with a few new marks on his back, and this time it will be Sameen Shaw marks of pleasure. He stopped breathing every time he thrust deep into her. His mind and trembling body telling him how much he liked this, how much he liked when her lips spread apart on their own; when delight and lust made her speechless; when she dug into his back. He liked her short, clipped breath and the way she looked for his mouth but was afraid of his gaze and words. He heard her moans and she screamed his name when he reached her G-spot. He was close…and she gave her whole self to him with a faint smile when he came...

"**Sameen..."**He couldn't catch his breath.

"**Shh**" She gave him one last long kiss and pushed him to the edge of bathtub, laid next to him and cuddled to him.

Harold embraced her with one hand.

She rested her head on him, and gave him pleasure again by tracing down hairy path on his tummy. Sometimes she went lower down to the inner side of his thighs and that gave him shivers.

They lay like that for a while as all foam drained away.

"**Sameen, the water is getting colder...**" He slowly rose."**Wait a second.**" He got out of the bathtub, took a towel and tied it around his waist quickly. Harold started looking for his glasses.

"**Finch.**"

"**Yes, dear?**" he leaned over her

"**Oh, noone has ever called me that before… but I've already seen your whole body, so why the towel?**"She set his glasses on his nose.

"**Because I'm leaving**."

"**What?!**" She sat fast in the bathtube.

"**From the bathroom. I don't want to walk nude around this place. I'll be back for a while.**"  
He gave her a quick kiss, then went out of the bathroom, closed the door.

When he was behind the door he leaned back against it, and slowly sank down to his knees. He took some deep breaths and stood up.

'_It's done, you can't run now, you can't destroy it again. Be brave and finally face the consequences'_, he thought, and went to the the bedroom. Took out a shirt from the wardrobe and two pairs of boxer-briefs. '_Hope that it will fit her_', he thought. Harold put on a pair of the boxer-briefs and arranged his organ carefully in them, then went back to the bathroom. Through the door he heard running water so knocked twice, and opened door.

"**Why are you knocking?**"

"**You said every woman needs some privacy at the end of a hard day. I didn't want to interrupt."** He smiled. "**I've brought you a shirt and a pair of boxer briefs, hope that will be okay.**"

"**I usually sleep nude or in a nightdress, so a shirt will be enough.**"  
He gave her a towel when saw that she finished washing herself.

"**Thank you**." She kissed his cheek."**I'm going to bed and I will wait for you ...**" She smiled to him, put on the shirt, did up only one button and went out.

He took a quick shower. When he finished, he looked in the mirror at all his red new marks on his back. '_Who would ever have supposed that you would have some of these on your back?'_, he thought and smiled to himself. Then he looked at the floor, water was everywhere. His pants were wet, suitable only for throwing out. He smiled again. _Who cares?_ He won something that night and that something was worth much more than a pair of trousers. He went to the bedroom.

She was lying in bed waiting for him.

He slid under the quilt, and put his glasses on a night stand.

She quickly but carefully approached to him and cuddled.

Harold laid on his back.

Shaw's hand around his abdomen, little and ring finger inside his boxers, her leg between his, head so close to his cheek that he felt her sweet breath.

He embranced her, his hand rested on the place he liked the most.

As she said - she usually slept nude... He felt her soft skin, under his plam, he couldn't resist and squeezed her bum gently.

**"Harold, I want day off tomorrow**."

"**I can't promise you that, but can I ask you something?**"

"**Of course!**"

"**Is it possible to do this again one day?**"

"**Only if you want to, and only if you promise me that you will not regret anything after that.**"

**"I promise."**

**"Then I can promise you that I will never let you go..." **She kissed his cheek and closed her eyes.

"**Goodnight, Sameen**." He kissed her soft lips.

_'I will never let you go'_ – he heard that somewhere a long time ago and he knew that promises like that could never be good and true. These things always resulted in a bad ending, but he promised her that he would not regret anything so he didn't say anything more. Just closed his eyes and fell asleep.


End file.
